just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize