so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
