Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
