thus making me awesome and them whores
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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