I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
