We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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