So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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