Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize