literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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