I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
