No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
