I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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