I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize