Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
