i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
