I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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