the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
