return my video game
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
