Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
