I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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