there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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