ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
