I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
