My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
