fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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