I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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