She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
