I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've blown a few things in my day
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
birth control should be required to get into college
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
