her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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