you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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