I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize