i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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