i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
