i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
