so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
