Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
