I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
