Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
