White coat. Heels.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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