I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
