At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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