Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
