She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
