Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
