I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
