You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
