R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
