I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
