i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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