Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
