piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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