It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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