I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
