I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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