Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
