I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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