I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
