oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
