have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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