If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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