you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
