Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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