:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
