I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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