sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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