And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
