If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize