I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
