Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
