I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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